We assume that an earlier romantic involvement failed because we were not good enough.These ideas may have been deeply buried, but they still caused pain, and pain created vulnerability.The person you loved, and who you thought loved you, has a personality disorder.
In fact, you should intersperse these sessions of releasing with times of treating yourself well, and feeling joy at whatever goodness you experience, no matter how small. I see it in my own history, and I’ve watched it cultivate with others.
True recovery isn’t easy, fun or instant—it takes work and a commitment to yourself. There is very, very much validity in this, and the drama/trauma even becomes an addiction.
But the rewards are so wonderful: Release from old traumas. I knew that I was going to be ignored, stonewalled, invalidated, and the rest of the passive garbage that goes along with it.
Now you know why your partner could be so cruel, then tell you how much he or she loved you, practically in the same breath. The friends and family dispensing this pithy advice probably were never involved with a sociopath. When you split from a sociopath, it is not a normal breakup.
Now you realize that there never was any love, that your entire relationship was exploitation, and nothing more. The intensity of these relationships makes the end incredibly painful.
We all have vulnerabilities—it’s part of being human.